The idea of making a bucket list has appealed to me a couple of times, to be completely honest. I've come across websites that help you organize them, and plenty of people's bucket list pins pop up on my Pinterest page. I often have a moment of, "Oh, alright. I'll start a Bucket List board right now." My mouse hovers over the button on the page, but I don't go through with it.
I usually see bucket list items that I know for sure I want to do someday, so that's not the problem. Own a house. Go to Paris. Go skydiving. Go deep sea diving. Cook my way through an entire cookbook, start to finish.
The problem is that I can't make lists without the full intent of crossing every item off - and if I have an unfinished list, I feel like a ball of stress and failure until I've completed it. That's why I make lists in the first place. They help motivate me to get things done. Except usually my lists pertain to cleaning the house or finishing a bunch of work tasks, not things I must do before my life is over.
The truth is, none of the bucket list items that appeal to me are things that definitely matter. Going skydiving doesn't mean anything if I can't try it with my husband or my best friend. Owning a house will be a lot less enjoyable if I can't fill it with children, whether it's my own children or the children of my siblings and friends. I could cook my way through a cookbook or catch a flight to Paris, but if I'm not reaching the world for good, then why does it really matter?
I already have the things in life that really matter. I have a relationship with Christ, a family that I love, and friends that are always there for me. For the rest of my life, I will never forget how those relationships have shaped me and how they have made me feel.
If I make a list of other things I want to do or accomplish, it's only going to serve as a tool for making me feel inadequate. I'm going to feel pressured to finish it while missing what my life is truly meant for. I want to die knowing that I pointed others toward Christ and realized who and what I loved in my life. Keeping focused on those things can be enough of a challenge on its own, and I don't want to cloud those priorities with others.
If an opportunity to fly to Paris comes up? I'll take it. I hope that my life is full of opportunity and happy memories, but I don't need to make a list to remind me of what's important and what to work toward.
Disclaimer: I'm not bashing anyone who happens to have a Bucket List. Not at all. I just know that I'm a little too Type-A to keep a list like that. Too much pressure. Focusing on these other things is best for me. :)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
A Politics Post.
One of the reasons I struggled with starting a blog is that I don't know which topic to stick to. I've got some thoughts, some recipes, some craft ideas - a mix of things, really. I want to write something that people will enjoy reading, but I also want it to be me. Unapologetically. So that's why, in a row, we had a post about how suicide sucks, a muffin recipe, and then some politics. It doesn't necessarily all mesh together, but it's me.
These SOPA/PIPA bills have me feeling a little miffed for two main reasons:
1. My work is done completely and 100% on the internet, and it stands to be majorly affected if these bills pass. Ya'll want me to get paid, right?
2. I love Pinterest. I'll probably have to kiss my pins goodbye, and that will not be okay.
By now, everyone has probably heard about why SOPA is a bad idea. And if not, there is no shortage of articles on the web that lay out all the facts for you, whether you're a really techy person or really confused about the internet in general.
Here are some quick, bullet-pointed facts about why the bill gets me riled up on a personal level.
I signed Google's petition and used the Wikipedia zip code look-up form to find the contact forms of the representatives and senators in my state (they also provide you with phone numbers, Facebook pages and Twitter handles). I sent them all the following form email that I found online:
"I am writing to you to let you know that the SOPA and PIPA bills are, in my opinion, against our First Amendment rights as citizens of the United States of America.
The internet is a vehicle of free speech and the wording of these laws, while it does restrict piracy, also opens the gates to censorship.
Shutting down sites on the internet that provide valuable services because of a congressional action should seem morally wrong to you. That being the case, the vast majority of your voters likely believe this to be the case as well, but they don't know how to voice their opinions. This could also cost jobs to many people in the technology sector (my area of expertise actually).
My final point regarding piracy is that maybe the current mechanisms for content delivery are the problem here. Maybe delivering music and movies needs to be made easier to help people get to the content faster and pay the content providers in a streamlined way. Take for example services like Hulu or Spotify - they provide the content makers with funds based on viewership and in turn increase legitimate sales of content. More backing behind these sorts of enablements should decrease piracy and increase legitimate sales.
Please don't vote in favor of either of these two laws as it will make our country more like China, and I frankly love the United States, and dislike the way China handles their censorship policies."
Please consider using some method to make your voice heard about this.
</soapbox>
These SOPA/PIPA bills have me feeling a little miffed for two main reasons:
1. My work is done completely and 100% on the internet, and it stands to be majorly affected if these bills pass. Ya'll want me to get paid, right?
2. I love Pinterest. I'll probably have to kiss my pins goodbye, and that will not be okay.
By now, everyone has probably heard about why SOPA is a bad idea. And if not, there is no shortage of articles on the web that lay out all the facts for you, whether you're a really techy person or really confused about the internet in general.
Here are some quick, bullet-pointed facts about why the bill gets me riled up on a personal level.
- I'm not really a fan of censorship.
- I have this personal blog and a handful of other websites in the making. If anyone posts a copyright infringement link on my website or blog, my site could be shut down immediately, and my IP address and domain blocked. Without even giving me a chance to defend myself. I'm technically a small business owner, and I just don't have the money so shell out for an attorney to get through all the red tape if that ever happened to me.
- This bill could be abused and give competitors in the online advertising world a chance to wipe each other out.
- Giving the government too much control over something is not a good idea. And I don't hate the government, just the abuse of it.
- A lot of my work opportunities could be out the window. There are a lot of websites that are likely to close up shop, just because it's not worth the hassle of waiting around to get in trouble. That means that some of my clients could drop me.
- I could be out of business permanently for using a photo or video that I thought was copyright free, but wasn't. Mistakes happen and this bill doesn't allow for them.
I signed Google's petition and used the Wikipedia zip code look-up form to find the contact forms of the representatives and senators in my state (they also provide you with phone numbers, Facebook pages and Twitter handles). I sent them all the following form email that I found online:
"I am writing to you to let you know that the SOPA and PIPA bills are, in my opinion, against our First Amendment rights as citizens of the United States of America.
The internet is a vehicle of free speech and the wording of these laws, while it does restrict piracy, also opens the gates to censorship.
Shutting down sites on the internet that provide valuable services because of a congressional action should seem morally wrong to you. That being the case, the vast majority of your voters likely believe this to be the case as well, but they don't know how to voice their opinions. This could also cost jobs to many people in the technology sector (my area of expertise actually).
My final point regarding piracy is that maybe the current mechanisms for content delivery are the problem here. Maybe delivering music and movies needs to be made easier to help people get to the content faster and pay the content providers in a streamlined way. Take for example services like Hulu or Spotify - they provide the content makers with funds based on viewership and in turn increase legitimate sales of content. More backing behind these sorts of enablements should decrease piracy and increase legitimate sales.
Please don't vote in favor of either of these two laws as it will make our country more like China, and I frankly love the United States, and dislike the way China handles their censorship policies."
Please consider using some method to make your voice heard about this.
</soapbox>
Monday, January 9, 2012
Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Muffins.
I was on the schedule to bake something for the coffee and refreshments table at church, and I wanted something that was sweet and delicious without being too much like a dessert.
Enter these muffins I found from The Happy Housewife. They're easy and delicious, and are perfect for breakfast or brunch. I tripled the recipe and it made about 36 muffins.
Ingredients:
1 3/4 cups flour (I used white, but the original recipe calls for whole wheat)
1/3 cup sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
Brown sugar
Cinnamon
Directions:
Mix together dry ingredients, then add egg, milk and vegetable oil and mix thoroughly.
Fill muffin cups 1/4 of the way with batter, then add a pinch of brown sugar to each muffin cup. Cover the brown sugar with batter, and then sprinkle the tops with cinnamon and more brown sugar.
Bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees.
Enter these muffins I found from The Happy Housewife. They're easy and delicious, and are perfect for breakfast or brunch. I tripled the recipe and it made about 36 muffins.
Ingredients:
1 3/4 cups flour (I used white, but the original recipe calls for whole wheat)
1/3 cup sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
Brown sugar
Cinnamon
Directions:
Mix together dry ingredients, then add egg, milk and vegetable oil and mix thoroughly.
Fill muffin cups 1/4 of the way with batter, then add a pinch of brown sugar to each muffin cup. Cover the brown sugar with batter, and then sprinkle the tops with cinnamon and more brown sugar.
Bake for 15 minutes at 350 degrees.
 |
| Photo courtesy of The Happy Housewife, because I forgot to take a picture of the muffins before they were devoured. |
Friday, January 6, 2012
Music And Memories.
I've always believed that my heart needs music like my lungs need oxygen. I like to think that my need to attach a song to every event/phase in my life, like a soundtrack, is greater than anyone else's. It's that same need that helps me identify with one of my favorite characters on TV, and when someone is saying, "Oh yeah, I really like that song, too," it's the voice in my head saying, "You don't understand. I need that song."
Long ago, I fell into the habit of finding a song I liked and listening to it on repeat. Over and over and over again. My friends are probably divided into two camps: those that love that feature of mine, and those that can't stand it when we're riding in the car together.
I distinctly remember going with a group of girls to an N*SYNC concert in sixth grade. On the way there, the boy band was blasting in the van. While I'd like to be cool and say that I never liked N*SYNC, I can't. I liked them and I was happy to be invited along to the concert. But what I needed to hear was "Shimmer" by Fuel. The album with that song wasn't exactly twelve-year-old friendly, but I had it, and I loved it. I put my Walkman's headphones on and played my song in the van on the way to the concert. Because the day wasn't okay if I couldn't hear it, no matter what else I was doing. I even printed the lyrics to the song on a piece of paper, folded it up, and kept it in my pocket. My friends thought it was weird. I needed the song to be close to me. It became a part of my life like only the best songs can.
Since then, there have been a lot of songs I've needed to play over and over and over again. After I'm done wearing them out, some of them go onto my regular playlist for me to hear frequently, while some get temporarily forgotten about until I joyfully stumble on them later. Two years ago, I got the Alter Bridge CD "Blackbird" for Christmas. After listening to the whole album once, I found a song I needed to hear repeatedly. For a few weeks, every time I was in the car, I played "Watch Over You" on a loop.
During those same few weeks, a friend of mine from high school committed suicide. We weren't close friends any longer, though I had run into him a few times. While I drove around in the days after hearing the news, "Watch Over You" was the only thing that played. The lyrics didn't really fit the situation, it was just what I was playing repeatedly at the time. So as I drove to see friends, to the funeral home, to take care of errands that seemed empty in my shock and grief, it played. And while I got lost in thoughts of the conversations, memories and inside jokes I shared with Alex, it played. When my heart was eventually done with the song, I put the disc back into the case and it got lost and forgotten about in the car.
About a year later, Brian and I were headed to play cards with friends and wanted to listen to something other than the radio. We started digging through the CDs in the car and I found my old Alter Bridge album. I told him that I had really liked it before, so we put it in and stopped to buy refreshments - and then the first bars of "Watch Over You" started playing while I was sitting in the store's parking lot. I instantly felt waves of sadness and pain and couldn't understand why I suddenly felt that way. It had been a good, lazy Sunday, we were about to get some Doritos, and we were going to play euchre. Nothing sad about that.
It took about fifteen seconds for me to recognize the song through my confusion, but I still didn't understand why it made me feel so upset. We went into the grocery store, walked around and started making our purchase before the realization fell on me: in my head and heart, that song was the soundtrack to the death of Alex, even though I hadn't realized it at the time.
Music connects you to people, places, situations and phases in your life, often unintentionally. A song can evoke a feeling in you that you aren't even conscious of - those familiar first notes can bring stronger feelings than you are capable of conjuring up on your own.
Long ago, I fell into the habit of finding a song I liked and listening to it on repeat. Over and over and over again. My friends are probably divided into two camps: those that love that feature of mine, and those that can't stand it when we're riding in the car together.
I distinctly remember going with a group of girls to an N*SYNC concert in sixth grade. On the way there, the boy band was blasting in the van. While I'd like to be cool and say that I never liked N*SYNC, I can't. I liked them and I was happy to be invited along to the concert. But what I needed to hear was "Shimmer" by Fuel. The album with that song wasn't exactly twelve-year-old friendly, but I had it, and I loved it. I put my Walkman's headphones on and played my song in the van on the way to the concert. Because the day wasn't okay if I couldn't hear it, no matter what else I was doing. I even printed the lyrics to the song on a piece of paper, folded it up, and kept it in my pocket. My friends thought it was weird. I needed the song to be close to me. It became a part of my life like only the best songs can.
Since then, there have been a lot of songs I've needed to play over and over and over again. After I'm done wearing them out, some of them go onto my regular playlist for me to hear frequently, while some get temporarily forgotten about until I joyfully stumble on them later. Two years ago, I got the Alter Bridge CD "Blackbird" for Christmas. After listening to the whole album once, I found a song I needed to hear repeatedly. For a few weeks, every time I was in the car, I played "Watch Over You" on a loop.
During those same few weeks, a friend of mine from high school committed suicide. We weren't close friends any longer, though I had run into him a few times. While I drove around in the days after hearing the news, "Watch Over You" was the only thing that played. The lyrics didn't really fit the situation, it was just what I was playing repeatedly at the time. So as I drove to see friends, to the funeral home, to take care of errands that seemed empty in my shock and grief, it played. And while I got lost in thoughts of the conversations, memories and inside jokes I shared with Alex, it played. When my heart was eventually done with the song, I put the disc back into the case and it got lost and forgotten about in the car.
About a year later, Brian and I were headed to play cards with friends and wanted to listen to something other than the radio. We started digging through the CDs in the car and I found my old Alter Bridge album. I told him that I had really liked it before, so we put it in and stopped to buy refreshments - and then the first bars of "Watch Over You" started playing while I was sitting in the store's parking lot. I instantly felt waves of sadness and pain and couldn't understand why I suddenly felt that way. It had been a good, lazy Sunday, we were about to get some Doritos, and we were going to play euchre. Nothing sad about that.
It took about fifteen seconds for me to recognize the song through my confusion, but I still didn't understand why it made me feel so upset. We went into the grocery store, walked around and started making our purchase before the realization fell on me: in my head and heart, that song was the soundtrack to the death of Alex, even though I hadn't realized it at the time.
Music connects you to people, places, situations and phases in your life, often unintentionally. A song can evoke a feeling in you that you aren't even conscious of - those familiar first notes can bring stronger feelings than you are capable of conjuring up on your own.
 | ||
| Alex and me, 2005. | "Who will give you strength when you're not strong? / Who'll watch over you when I've gone away? / Snow is on the ground / Winter's come / You long to hear my voice / But I'm long gone" - Alter Bridge, "Watch Over You" |
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